Ok, here we go…

So, I'll be the first to admit that I have somehow jumped off the bandwagon.

When I stepped on the scale a couple months ago and realized I was the heaviest I'd ever been and could not control my eating for the life of me, I sought help. I spoke to an addictions counselor, because YES, food is an addiction. I went to a psychiatrist, because YES, addiction is a mental health issue. I was diagnosed with Binge Eating Disorder, and YES, it is a very real thing.

Previously, I had tried anything and everything you could think of to try and maintain my weight and control my eating habits. I would try any diet and knuckle down on exercising. I'd do excellent for about 2 weeks until I could no longer control my binge eating appetite and I would shove tons of food down in an effort to get my brain to shut up for 10 minutes.

With Binge Eating Disorder (or BED as I like to refer to it), I feel like there's a constant loop playing in my head telling me, "you're hungry, you need to eat. you're hungry, you need to eat. you're hungry, you need to eat." I know I'm not hungry. And as I would gorge on french fries and mac and cheese I knew that wasn't what I needed. I remember so many times talking to myself AS I WAS EATING saying "I'm not hungry. Why am I eating this?" So I talked to someone else. A therapist who has dealt with the same issues I had. I made meal plans and ways to keep my mind off of the constant nudging of that voice saying I was hungry. I did well. I lost 27 lbs. Then life happened.

I got too busy to meet for one of my appointments. That week I binged multiple times and felt so pathetic that I didn't want to go back and face my therapist who I had come to respect. I'm sure it shouldn't have mattered in the grand scheme of things, hey, it happens right?

I felt like a total failure. One week of binge eating turned into two. And then three. And then a month went by. And now here I am, roughly 3 months later, heavier than when stepped on the scale those couple months ago and realized I needed to change. So now what do I do? I'm going to start again.

I'm not going to cut things out, because it doesn't work for me. If I tell myself I can't eat french fries, then you can bet money that I will binge on 2 large fries by the end of the week. But if I take small steps, eventually I can make it work. I don't want to be stick thin. Hell, I don't even want to be THIN. I want to be me, but without the 70 lbs extra that make it hard for me to run around and play soccer with my boys. I still want my big bum. I want all my assets. I want to jiggle in the right places, amiright ladies?!

SO…small steps.
1. Eat less, move more.
Seems easy enough, right? Sure. I already like hiking. My kids like being outside. I have a double stroller that adds extra weight for me to get a workout in if I walk around the block a couple times. I also like a lot of healthy foods. I'm obsessed with grilled chicken. I like turkey and some seafood. I'm not afraid of fruits and veggies, either. And to kick off my "lifestyle change" as I'm so cutely going to refer to it…. I'm going to try a squat challenge!
2. Start small.
Diets often don't work because people tend to stop everything they've been doing for years all at once. Nobody can do that. It isn't realistic. I'm no hero, ladies. I put my bra on one boob at a time just like everybody else. I like water, so now I'm going to try to drink only water, maybe some flavored water here and there for decoration. I like walking. Let's see if I can walk 5,000 steps a day. If that's too easy, let's bump it up. Small steps.

Anybody else got some awesome tips for a girl, trying to get back on the bandwagon? I'm all ears!! Let me know what you do!

All the love,
Kelle.

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First things first.

Okay, so. I'm going to preface this post with a disclaimer: I do not know much about blogging. I do not know much about computers in general. My experience has mostly been limited to typing classes in elementary school and using Microsoft Word SLOWLY to complete essays during nursing school. Half the time I forgot about margins completely. I only have an iPhone to type out my posts and take pics/videos. That being said, if all of you will bare with me, I think I can still make this an enjoyable experience for all of us.

This summer hasn't been my greatest. Life has been throwing me some curveballs lately. I started working full-time in May and for the first time I am able to be (mostly) financially independent. And that comes with pros and cons. I can spend MY money on myself and my kids. But I can't spend all of it…which I end up doing more often then not. I'm still learning how to budget appropriately. I'm working on saving up for a home closer to my job, which as of now is about 40 mins away. At the same time I am attempting to save enough money for a trip to Europe with a girlfriend and a leg sleeve tattoo (why? Because it's MY money and it's almost my BIRTHDAY! Happy birthday to Kelle!)

I was told by several good friends to start writing, something that always came natural and cathartic to me. So I took the advice. I started this blog to talk about things I love, things I hate, things that make me feel anything. Until the day comes where I'm no longer enjoying this, I'll be here. I hope to write a couple posts a week on various topics. Today's topic, you may ask?
Favorite Plus-Size Stores.

This year, I've finally realized I can no longer shop in the Misses' section of Target and expect to look put together. No matter how much I may want to. Luckily, as a nurse I don't have to worry about business casual workwear like most lovely ladies. My scrubs are glorified pajamas and I'd like to thank whoever decided healthcare workers could wear them while saving lives. I tip my hat to him.

I'm not going to lie, though. When it comes to jeans, I still gravitate towards my tried and true Target maternity jeans from Liz Lange for $35/pair. The double panel in the front make them both comfortable and not blatantly obvious that I'm in maternity jeans, and the price is comparable to non-maternity jeans. They come in several washes as well as both skinny and boot-cut styles.

Torrid and Rue21 are two of my favorite stores for most of my other pieces of clothing. I have yet to get hardcore into online shopping, but I plan on trying some popular sites soon to see how they stack up. My personal style is also something I'm still finding. As of now, I'm more into workout tees and jeans/leggings, but I'm always on the hunt for cute skirts and dresses. My go-to outfits are often a cami underneath a fitted shirt (normally in teal…my favorite color!) and a pair of skinny jeans, with flip flops or my comfy converse. I'm currently getting deep into the hipster/bohemian trends that seem to be blossoming everywhere lately as well. My first post about fashion will undoubtedly be me gushing about the many, many ways to dress up a boring jeans/tee combo with fun bohemian accessories. Stay tuned…!

All the love,
-Kelle.

Hello, world!

Hey everyone,

Welcome to my first blog post EVER! I'm hoping to get into a bunch of topics on here, like how my weight loss journey is going and how to navigate being a busy full-time nurse and mommy of 2 boys, all while looking fabulous in plus-size clothing, as well as make-up tips, recipes, Netflix must-watch's, life hacks that might be useful to other people. Basically anything I find interesting, I'll be talking about here, in great detail. I'm always looking for new ideas and friends, so let me know if this stuff interests you as well! I can't wait to start our journey together!

All the love,
-Kelle.